its over

   I cant describe the feeling, of having it all behind me.

It's like im finally home after a long journey.. it's like I've moved on, finally.  But when I started the work, back in Corona, I would listen to this song, and it would remind me of everything I wanted to say.. Everything I wanted the book to be... It's out now.. Polyester Paradigm is available on my webstore  

   I'm listening to this song today, thinking about when the whole concept was only existing on  a whiteboard..

They're runnin' free tonight...

   About to close this thing, about to close it for today.. and as the sun sets over here in Lake Elsinore.. I'm runnin' free tonight.

thanks for the support.  I hope you enjoy the reading.  take care

in this particular picture, I can't tell you how long I had been homeless.

The days sort of.. blend together, in some sort of weird, all encompassing way.. the nights just seem way longer than they've ever been, and the stars are all playing some sort of sick joke that involves the craziest dreams, and the craziest feelings of being alone, and when you're homeless, the stares people give you almost help you forget who you were before, and all the distractions you had, and all the people that remembered you, and at one point cared.. and when these things happen, there's nobody that understands, there's nobody that can give you the right advise, but to play your guitar, to work on your art, to hope that things will get better while you charge your batteries, while you wait on the bleachers at a public park, while you wash up at a drinking fountain, while you take pictures of your feet for no-one that gives a fuck.. only inside, only deep down will you find the answers -for yourself, about the things that matter, and about the people who care... only in this picture, without electricity, and charging everything at the park's outlets, only in this moment was it captured

Met up with a friend, he's moving tomorrow.  Far.  Had some beers and laughed about the times we were both homeless.  I drove forty miles last night, to see my friend, only to spend an hour with them.  Maybe I need to feel lonely, because it drives me to reach out.  It drives me to hit the road and see them, because I feel like there's more enemies in the world than friends, than brothers.

So here I am, at home again.  Washing up for the third time today.  I can't stand thinking im dirty, after I've known how disgusting, and grimy i've been... That point when your eyes water with your own stink.  Sleeping with a weapon, sleeping lightly.  The watch going off about four hours into it, so you can wake up and check things out, so you can wake up and make sure everything is okay.  And it is, it's the same song, a song that never leaves you.  And I know I discuss it alot, but theres so much pain all over the world, there's so much pain in our own cities.  The kid I met, and shared food with, shared my book with.. both of us homeless too.. theres so much pain, there's so much suffering.. just be thankful for the bed you have, and blankets you use, because so many people out there.. so many people feel like you take your things for granted, and you do.

There's something sexy about this image.

a few more days, baby

mmmmmmm

any other way

   just waiting now.  The battle is over.  Just waiting now, for the copies to arrive.  Second draft.  Mailed to my parents.. and once they get there, my mom or dad will let me know, and i'll get up from where im at and pick them up.

   I'll read through it again, and get the website all fixed up.

   Mid april, I'll let you know.

   Mid April, you'll finally be able to read what I wrote.

I can't wait.

omitted piece

Missing the feeling of her hair in my hands, and stroking the side of her face, eyes closed; I watch her body, and the way her head hangs, as she stands near the sheets and sunlight to her back, coming in from the window, the street being ours, with no-one around, for miles and a half.  we smile to ease the moment, to keep the mood light, to show our feelings are in check, and all the things we've done, that might have hurt each other, none of them matter anymore, none of them matter right now, as we unwrap the presents, and the gifts under the lit tree.  As we see what we save for each other, and the not so difficult struggle we've shared in keeping this fire.  Feeling her shoulder blades against my palms, reminded of the first smile she gave me, and the days we wore sunglasses on the highway, driving next to the beach, and how we've always been together, this life between us.  we've added so many things, to each other.  Always by my side, I rub the back of her neck and breathe to her ear, the freckles dancing with her hales.  Each Christmas, something special, and every other day, even when I check my email and see something written from her... those moments we would both move in silence, those moments the fabric would crinkle and the nations quiet.

Lighting the way, through my dark paths, she leads me to a nibble, against her warm skin.  Slight sweat now, a change in pace as I feel the window is definitely closed, and like a sauna in here, she pulls me close, harder with an exhale.  I feel the softness of her tongue when I gently slide mine across her bottom lip.  we pull away, and kiss once, again. our hamds searching, and wiggling through the crevices, through the ridges of our bodies and stationary movements...