actually having a real, meaningful conversation with my ex-girlfriend is nice.  I'll admit, ive been feeling pretty lonely lately, and realizing that I cant really accomplish all my goals or a possible relocation on my own...or at least I could, but it wouldnt be as fun as sharing them or success with a best friend, with someone closer than anyone else, and im actually really scared to start something new with anybody else.. just the whole afraid to eat in front of them process... I would just rather do this with someone that ive already known before, because yes, yes I do.. I have trust issues.. there.

    It's on blogspot now, for everyone to see.

more tellings of issues and blunders to come

across

   all the places you'll sleep, homeless animals you feed, and other people you meet... That's what makes waking up at 319 worth it, when someone knows you aren't there, when the freeways don't stop moving for you, yeah -you, taking a bath with a spray bottle, mixture of water and body wash with shampoo.  Nobody stops, or cares, or gives a fuck if you're in a situation, or agreement -it doesn't matter.  Nothing matters anymore, but when you eat and where you'll sleep.  The next place to change some clothes newly bought, just so in private -you'll feel better about yourself, so the dreams you continue no longer haunt you in the day, so you forget the sins, and faces, and lips that wait. 

   Visualize all the restraunts -with bathrooms close by, with food under five dollars, though you cruise around with 1400 in the bank..

all that matters isn't the routine of tomorrow, it's the mystery of now

   im lying on all these forms about my current address, and in my newly purchased earbuds, listening to music again.. How wrong I was in taking for granted the ability to play, and listen to choice music on demand.. how wrong I was in taking for granted such simple things in life, and missing them all, wrapped up in a jacket and newly bare feet, asleep in the public, asleep by the train station.. work in the morning, I spend all the night before talking to a friend, talking about this newly formed journey. 

They say people don't know what to tell you, when you're moving in a vessel, because they're not sure how to reach you, or where you travel,

   and where I travel is all on me, with my newly acquired riches and commerce. 

hard drive plugged into a library computer, finally online, finally able to browse the internet again.  All the play dough, asleep in their pastor's beds.  all the fearful asleep under someone elses roof, and Miami calling across the country, across the moonwaves and light.  I peer outside from my car and into the night sky, its millions of miles away, and feeling the shift, of cosmic eyes, shining down on me, I feel the shift and the fever pitch, I feel it all   

sometimes I listen to this music, and look at pictures of cities I want to live in.  The skyline, and way our Sun hits the horizon, reflects off the metal and brainchild of a thousand years.. I hold onto the hope that one day I'll live to see them in person, with a few friends and a place to sleep.  Finally washing my hair, and wondering who else is out there feeling the same, who else is out there seeing things like I do, with a cute girl laying next to me, breathing slowly on a purple pillow, liking the music I do.

I wonder who else is out there, that feels like things will never change, but get worse and debts increase, and beings coming to pass, and the cycle continues...

my ultimate goal in life is to be making money at my job without physically being there. 

and while I was "Draining the lizard" today.. I thought about it, and today might be the first day this has actually happened.. I have a dude coming in to sign for a car we test drove, and I left another guy with his daughter waiting to be financed.. so I'm on two deals without even being at work.  Cool.