its 142 am, and I have to be at work in the morning

agricultrian.

throughout the years (after much haggling) ive finally figured it out.  one of those Thomas edison moments, one of those                         albert hoffman realizations.. One of those... 

   It's the format...

actually.. its the format.  Really.  That's what takes the most time, other than writing.. and artwork of course.. its all about petty passes.. four and then five, etc.. six, seven sometimes.  It's the placement of every sentence, or even if a word is spelled wrong.. every word matters in the over block of text, according to the program, according to the file.

Hasnt that happened?  Writing a paper, and you add a word or something, and then the whole format of the pages afterwards are all fucked up like crop after locust.. and theres sentences all run on, there's words floating, or incomplete without the hyphen or whatever.. it gets all fucked up, is really what im saying, the literal bottom line, but anyways, so ive been taking a break from physical writing, and ironing out the storyline kinks, the chapter placements, and even gotten the format going, and working off the template, literally from the top to the bottom.. it sucks, but im planning far ahead for this, and just trying to let it come natural, let it come in a way that ive used before, but to let it sort of build itself throughout it's floors, and corners.. shine it's own light, and draw it's own map.. so the storyline is coming in, the structure in a few different arrangements.. and ive seen the difference over there, ive seen the artwork evolve, ive seen the last few months.. ideas, building themselves from a new tool, ideas coming full circle to something that looks like Michelangelo did it.. just take a step at a time, just keep going forward, keep the snowball rolling 

annergy

sometimes i forget there's a deadline, sometimes I forget what im working toward, the bigger picture -sitting here on my bed.

New bed, new city, new sheets, and -oh yeah, I bought some blankets last week too.

I forget all the work that still remains, all the writing, all the hours I'll put in.. not just into the writing, but into the inspiration, into the drive.  I work for the inspiration, I work at creating the relationship.. getting the duende into bed first.. the product will come second, but I've been searching, manhunting for images that capture the words im trying to say, that extra thousand, and with more than twenty images so far (over the course of a few months) i forget that I signed onto this.. with about a years worth of time, thinking I would be completely done by January.. thinking it would be ready.. some things happened, some shuttles spun out of control, and some people onboard went absolutely bonkers.  Remotes flew, the headsets broke, and an engine failed.. some people bailed out, others were thrown... there was betrayel, there were secrets, and I acted in ways that I regret.. thinking that I had all the time, and freedom to do this project as I pleased, and signing on, believing there was a small bit to come out, with maybe three hundred twenty pages at most.. but how that's changed, and how i've changed, and how we see things differently.. I forget that:  Ultimately, the art will decide the art.. it will interpret the times -here, on it's own, and it's better without the music, reading the lyrics and imagining the full composition.. you'll get stronger at piecing it together.  They said Micheal jordan would, visualize his shots before he took them.. he would picture where he wanted to be, or sitting in complete silence and darkness once a night and visualizing your artwork for eighteen hudred seconds for at least twenty one days will push it over the edge, to a new level I found.. just get stronger at piecing it together, wait a while longer while conceptualizing it

just so You saw it first

oh yeah.. its safe for work.  I promise

twenty one

alright??

after much debate today, i've finally figured it out tonight.. I'm going to do a quick first draft, and proof printing and release this work

the first week
of january
for a limited time.

Got it?  I'm working on it tonight, but unfortunately it has to get approved and all that beautiful shit that takes way too much time, but anyways.. I want to do something different each time I put out a book, sometimes its the writing, other times its the font, or artwork, and last time it was the formatting, last time it was size of the words, and color of the pages, and some photographs that I took.. and this time... this time I'm going to change all that, I have some ideas on how to make this a unique book, in format, story, in writing, in artwork..all that, so im going to work on it, play around a little, and come first week of 2012, you'll be able to order a very 'rough mix' of what im working with now.  ill be sure to write more later, but for now, that's all I got..

almost 2230

Last night I found a piece, to this puzzle.  And sitting here, at this table, ive begun employing it.  Utilizing it, practicing.. exploring it's weaknesses, boundries and possibilities I could only dream of.. so I'm taking a risk, I'm going out on a limb and starting the cover design for Polyester.. With the first pass written, this weekend, im going to start working on some of the artwork, and developing two characters.

I'm not sure when I can/should start posting this new artwork im doing, here in the second stage of creation, but you'll know it when you see it, and this tool, finally found after months of searching.. I could hardly sleep last night, just thinking about some of the work I want to do, and even tested it out on another project using a certain symbol, a certain helmet.  

In my mind im everyone... 

and taking advantage of the moment (something I learned to do while changing clothes in my car, or sneaking a quick piss in the wal-mart parking lot..) I was able to pump out about 10 pieces of this work, while the "duende" was still breathing, while the inspiration was still there...

When you wake up you're away... 

   and thinking back to what I've written:  Quardi Nake, asleep in the desert, dirt all over his head... I'm reminded that one day the desert does end.  One day you will get yourself, and privacy back.  A bed to sleep on, and four walls, and a locked door enclosing you in.  I'm reminded that -though constant, thunder does move on.  Storms pass.

   Now here I am,

in a city I love, with cool roommates and my car in a garage (!!!)... I have to admit that tonight I feel lucky, spoiled by life to have a shower so close, and walk-in closet at hand.  My stuff, folded.  The train station so far away... All my food in a pantry, and the books I lugged -lining my walls.  I must admit how blessed I've been, my whole life.

   Well, it's time for me to sleep now.  I am officially racking out, legs extended.

Goodnight