so this is an extremely shitty and rough concept idea I used for the cover on my first "proof" draft.  I'm just waiting to hear back about the content and all that so I can finally order a first physical copy.. my plan is to read through it and check the format and all that so I can add to the work and start doing the final writing, and Art for it.  I also took a little field trip during the writing of this novel... just to get a feel for what I was trying to say, the vibes that come with it...I filmed said excursion, and all that.. I'll have to add the footage one day, but yeah... This is it for now, and ill keep you posted as details develop///

sometimes I get in these modes.. and I just feel like total shit.

   Today was one of those days.. when you realize how much you still care about someone, when you realize that its far too late to voice any sort of opinion, when you realize that nobody might care about your work, when you realize how close your work is to being done, and how the journey of getting it all together is almost over.. its like postpartum almost, one of those days, on many fronts.  its one of those days where i feel like taking all my money out of the bank accounts, and driving really far, and on the way just throwing my phone out the window, and saying sorry to everyone, and saying sorry at the River, at the Future.  seeing my people in the CLSTR, and asking them where I went wrong.

   I wish the PARADIGM was real, in a way, because since this morning.  I have so many questions to ask the stars, to ask the souls that passed.. because I dont know what to do anymore.  I know it sounds cheesy, but I dont know how to let the work go, and standing next to you at her open casket, you leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.. I didnt hear what you said to her, but it wasnt meant for me anyways.. its just hard letting these things go, its hard because this work is so personal, and having read over it twice now, I feel the pain thats been buried, I read it in the words, and especially in the ones I have yet to add to the second draft.  I feel the things coming to the surface, that somehow I managed to forget, living at the train station, walking beneath the moon for a shower... I managed to forget how I really felt beneath the surface of 'soldiering on' and in these words, I feel the regret, the wish for a different turnout -on so many fronts, I feel it all in this work, and im sorry to report that Polyester is a much more emotional piece than it seems

had this dream last night... sending it over this morning.

and I got a little gift already, thanks amazon

ISBN-10:

1482318288 

   Captain's log, and all that shit...

   It's 1035pm, 1/28/2013.  The first draft is done.  Im throwing on some cover art, and sending this off      sometime in the next two days.

 

   Be well, and rest alot.

its in that time when you're hungry, when you're tired, when you're cold.  When you're not sure if anyone is listening anymore, when you're not sure if you care.  The time when you lose sleep, when you wake up early, and try to knock out a few paragraphs, a few explanations.. its when you neglect everyone, everything, yourself and the fact that you sleep alone.. its at these times in the infinite space of a story you tell, evolving with your work, its in this time that you find it, that it reveals itself to you -from the fireworks on the water, and the supernovas forming, its out here... trust me, it's out here

DRAGONFLY

Over the rings, and dust clouds I would pilot.  This playing overhead, throughout the CLSTR, and generations of RIPS, and old genes, flying beside us.  Death would bring me, and my friends together, as Life had torn us apart...   

"...I watch how you sigh, and breathe, eyes closed so peaceful, and outside your window I floated, outside your window I brought the moonlight,brought it to you, and your closed eyelids.  I kissed your forehead, I touched a strand of hair, and from the other side, in my death, I dreamed of you.  Never forgot to keep you close, never left your side in all the tears, and heartache, pain you experienced.  Traveled these generations, to come back down, down the bloodline and find you.  Watched your face
twitch, and hands rub, move when it came, when the time brought a snap, a window to make decisions, and observed your willingness to jump in the fire, and bring out gold...  You knew the secret -that life hasn't made promises, that things won't turn out a certain way, and with the wind of life's empty guarentees, you sailed and didnt count on success, you planned to land -without wings...."

   From the Paradigm... In My Death I Dreamed of You.

I met with a former mentor the other night.  We talked Beatles albums, Abbey Road (the studio), Brian Wilson, The Fountainhead, and Rush for starters... Artwork in this generation, the power of the Internet, and other students he taught.  He hooked me up with his latest album, and we left under the pretenses to meet again.  My guitar instructor, someone who's tried to stay in touch with me, and followed my failing writing career.. but there will be a fifth book after this.  Only, im not sure when.  But he used to tell me that as I get older, time will move faster, and sitting there, me and my first of many guitars, we would sit there and focus on the music together.  My teacher, instrument, and I.  We talked drummers, and name dropped all the producers of movie's we know, and business people we'd love to imitate.  Talking about my recent 'crash course' on life... we talked celebrity women we'd like to court.. (mine being Lindsey Lohan)... it was low-key.. two aging friends, meeting up.  My guitar teacher, I live in his city now.  But I think about the mentors I've had, and how much they taught me.  I havent forgotten what they've given, and wonder how our projects line up together, now.  Because we seem to be on the same page, but not talking about it.. our own little worlds.  I wish they would align together, because I need their words now, more than ever.

and with the first draft coming.. I'm about 40% done with the first draft.. probably 30% complete with the project overall.. and June coming so fast.. believe me, im spending my time right, im doing all I can to make sure this plant gets all the water    

chapter list of Polyester Paradigm (2013)

Kinda like a tracklisting being released.. before the actual release date sort of thing, well in that same notion..Here are the names of the chapters from Polyester Paradigm.. and yes, this is the order they will appear in.  im really excited to put this work out, its been a crazy ride to get it all done...

• So You're Not Anything Just Yet.
• First Years.
• C.O.D. (Chain of Dependence)
•  PELICAN.
• Quardi Nake.
• Sees Commericial (advertisement).
• Advise.
• Word to the Wise.
• When I die.
• In My Death I Dreamed of You.
• Let Me Tell You.
• Earlier.
• My Self Esteem.
• Playing Basketball With The Sun.
• As I die.

working on Polyester again today, im sick as all fuck.  Theres supposedly a flu epidemic going on outside, ad me laying here with my laptop and the History channel playing.. well, the three of us are a testament to said sickness.. and its funny because i dont usually get sick, it happens maybe once a year, but this is going on day four... but anyways, that and my new haircut are besides the point, because im getting some work done, and im going to post some things about it right here in a second...