always

Sometimes when I have a good run in billiards, I feel like I'm onto something.

   Sometimes, when I sell a few cars a day at work, I feel like I have a gift, and sometimes, staring down at my watch under a 2200 moon, I feel like I have a physical talent.  Running.  Bailing.  Letting my friends drive my car as we stop at different gas stations to buy food, to buy beer, or buy clothes for me...  I spend alot of time watching U.S. nationals on Billiard Pros, and looking at guitar tabs, thinking about how to attack the next song, thinking about how the pitch sounds through the different keys, and looking at the forks in the road, on different streets of a midnight Norco, im not sure which path to take.  I'm not sure which direction to consume myself in, because after knocking four balls consecutively into three different pockets, im not sure what I'm good at... is it school?  Is it sales?  Is it pool?  Is it a rail of coke after two pitchers of beer?  I'm not sure,

   and sitting in the morning, reading my Bible my aunt bought me.. I'm really not sure.  I'm really not sure how I match up in Robert Greene's "amoral" series, but im sure (after reading all the books) im sure I can read pretty fast, and soak up material, and express how I feel using only images.  I'm positive I can get my point across using something only so basic as silence, but picking up my transcripts and turning them in again, im sure that im not over the hurt, im not over the pierced nipples or tattoos I remember, in all my drunken sweat, and I havent been the same since we disappeared together on google, and im not the same since i've been left, but im okay and doing my best to find myself and strengthen an identity, and all the money in my bank account couldnt prove my talents, or my worth in planning to pay the raised car insurance or rising rent prices, all the money I could spend couldnt prove a thing about me or my friends...