dark side

did you hear us?

   Arguing.  Out front, my house, 316AM.

I tried to kiss her.  I grabbed her, pulled her close.  She fucking screamed at me, that this is how it "always starts", that I "always bail" and so we brought up some dates (thanks to facebook) she pulled out her phone as we stood in silence going through the messages...

"SEE?  February 5th, YEAH.. SEE WHAT I WROTE?  OKAY?  No.. No, don't do that to me, don't make me feel bad for this.. Im sorry for kissing you.  Okay?  It was a terrible thing of me to do, and it won't happen again."

   We argue some more, I smoke a cigarette.  I haven't smoked one since March, but here I am, two in a row as she takes the recant on a deeper level, and we get on the subject of her ex-girlfriend.. We get on the subject of sex last summer, and I tell her that she shouldnt have been rubbing my leg in that garage tonight, because two hours ago we met some random punks, out front of 7-11 and I stood off with them against some mexican dudes, so they invited us back to where they squat, or stay, or whatever.  And full of puppies, running around the drumsets and amps, we drink beer and she gazes at me, next to my hand on the couch... I see all our years, and the ticket we got together, when she had a warrant for her arrest.. I see the time she called me, too drunk to walk home from the bar, so I drove out, picked her up, and the first thing she did when she saw me was hit me in the face.  I bled underneath my eye, a little.

   She was pissed, but I said nothing, because im a fool, because she was drunk.

   She probably doesn't even remember,
but this morning her dog was licking my face, and I swatted around the bed at it, and the radio came on and I turned over to cover my ears, and it was already 1030, and I had already missed breakfast at McDonalds, and I told her she was mean, and she denied yelling at me, and I told her she was right, because she was just screaming really loud.

Could you blame me? I asked.  Rubbing her stomach and feeling her push against me.  I kinda smiled with my eyes closed, and told her she was never allowed to pee again.