I just couldn't take it anymore.  Wind blowing her hair, and feeling her knee touch mine.. I leaned to kiss her, but slowly, in case the unthinkable happened, in case she wanted to pull away.  And in this moment, in this second or whatever, I saw her see me, out of the corner of her eye.. this all happened so fast, but felt like a lifetime, like a paintball moment when things seem to slow down, when you're not moving fast enough, when you can't beat the other person, to the punch.. so anyways, she sees me out of the corner of her eye, and backs up maybe a half inch, just out of my careful reach.. We both crack one of those one-syllable laughs, and she tells me she can't "right now"... and sitting on the beach a little passed midnight the "glow stick juice" (inside joke) the "glow stick juice" radiating in the wet sand, as the foamy waves leave.. the glow stick juice scratching our heads, we never mention it again, and the old friends we are, we sit underneath the stars and planes that pass, making fun of her and getting some laughter, she tells me shes quitting cigarettes, and we talk about our money, our finances and debt we owe... I eat some of my protein bars and spot someone, alone, sitting on the nighttime beach in a chair and sweater, dawning a hat.. and wondering to myself who they are missing, or what in life they wish to sail back to, it hits me -without my watch or cell phone, about a mile away from my parked car.. it hits me.

It's time to go