im really going to miss this face,

so in an attempt to make me happy... I plan to buy another dog.  I plan to raise them, and give them the most  gnarliest possible canine existence, ever.  Window down, head out, maybe a bong rip to the snout or two... I honestly thought that when the bunionblood story was over, when it was finally published and 'out of my system' I thought I would feel alot better, but literally the day of, the day it was finally published and first copies sent to my house was when this spiral started, and im back at it, im back smoking copious amounts of weed, and drinking.  I just feel really down, I just feel even more chained, or glued, or held down.. but its been more than a year and the words "oh boy, I can't hurt you anymore" are not true.. im still hurt, im still pouring alcohol on my cuts and blowing smoke into them, in a hope that they will feel better, in hopes that I will be someone im not, in hopes that life will just forget about all the things it's promised, when I was little, and leave me behind in the history books of this city that knew me