a ways ago

    waking up with people staring at you, from a dream about someone you used to like, have a
relationship with, someone -in this dream, that seems perfect, that seems like they really
had it all -inside.  water tilting from the sprinkler, flying above the grass, a patch to
mow of perfect proportion without wondering why you are where you're at..

why you are where you're at,

    missing limbs, and SSI.. walking, just continue to be that dog hanging out the window, with
a family in front, a family of different colors and backrounds, and distant relatives
and beliefs.. No one will look, trust me.  No one will see, and you shouldnt care to begin
with, because boundaries can be pushed, and perspectives could be given, if you try, and
lives can change, and she could discover herself, if you try.

    and in my dream she wrote the kindest words, and didnt stop, and took up all the room on
the card, she wrote it in the most careful cursive, the contrast of the bright chalk on
this dark board, a mashup of scenes of her writing, to me -in this card, and on this board
in front of a room, the scene was a collage, of her hair flowing, and blowing in imaginary,
temperatureless wind.. her smile, wide and showing all her teeth..

"tell me what i did, i cant find where the moment went wrong at all.."

    I take back what I did, I take back neglecting you, but I poured over myself, for a year
and a half, I mulled over how lonely i felt, sitting on my couch with my dog, by myself,
and thinking about the notes you wrote that I trashed, and pictures you took of us
together and the room we used to sleep in, and the borrowed sweaters you'd wear.

   dogs sitting on recliners, and Taco Bell with a movie.  Silent walks on a cold night,
gloves, and hoodies.. our way of life and bubbler snorkled cartoons.. just remembering
what I used to have..